Fill up your wine glasses, everyone - the revolution is on

This week the Government decided to metaphorically peer through our windows and wag its finger at us for drinking too much at home. Apparently our wine glasses are now too big and our wine too strong, which means we may be drinking more than we actually realise. The inference is that now the Government has pointed this out we'll have a new, enlightened look at our glasses of wine and exclaim: “My word! You’re right! I’ll cut down immediately.” Do they know anything about psychology at all? We parents understand that if we disapprove of our teenagers’ relatively harmless lifestyle choices they will imediately rebel and step up the forbidden activity. Of course, we middle-aged tipplers aren’t going to suddenly dye our hair in two-tone skunk colours and get a collective flesh tunnel, but we'll probably drink as much - if not more - than we ever did. And what does the Government have to lose from our drinking habits, anyway? Presumably alcohol shortens our life expectancy, which would save them a nice fat wad in pension money. Ah but no, they are probably more concerned about our livers all failing at once which would result in a huge drain on the NHS. Though they’ve got that one covered, too. They simply have to start up more of those MRSA and C. Difficile labs they operate around the country to prevent us from lingering, and that will be it. Job done.