Hampton Court? Sorry to hear that, sir

So. Those rude Cockney rhyming slang phrases I promised you. Hopefully you’ll know some of them already – Bristol Cities, Khyber Pass, bottle and glass, pony and trap, tom tit, Jimmy Riddle, rattle and hiss etc. Even if you didn’t know them you’ll no doubt be able to work them out pretty quickly from the rhyme. Then there is coach and four, raspberry tart and the rather elaborate Aristotle (bottle) that translates in turn to bottle and glass (arse). It was definitely some smart Aris who thought that one up.
My favourites though are those terms that seem to have been thought up simply to give your average Cockney a laugh at other (posher) people’s expense. Take for instance orchestra stalls, Hampton Wick and Berkeley Hunt. Orchestras in general are associated with the well-to-do so when we Cockneys (or neo-Cockneys from Herts) hear that Andre Previn was famous for his orchestras, we can’t help but laugh. Hampton Wick, meanwhile, is a pleasant Thames-side area where many of the residents probably live in happy oblivion of the fact that their home town means “dick”. Hampton Court has connotations of its own and can sound pretty painful when said out loud.
As for the Berkeley Hunt in Gloucestershire, they probably took themselves very seriously until the Cockneys came along and used their name as a euphemism for the unmentionable. This term (pronounced Barclay) is usually shortened to Berkeley. It caused much hilarity in neo-Cockney circles when a well-known bank recently launched an ad campaign that ended with the tag line: “You’re better off talking to Barclays”.