Why give birthday presents when you can give someone a nasty injury instead?

Since it is a friend’s birthday today I thought I would look into various birthday rituals and traditions around the world. Some of them are elaborate; others are just odd. But it turns out that many of us have a pretty cruel streak when it comes to celebrating each other’s birthdays.

In New Zealand it is traditional to sing “happy birthday” loudly and out of tune (is there any other way?). The birthday girl or boy then receives a clap for each year they have been alive and one for luck.

There’s mental cruelty in store for Norwegian children when they celebrate their birthdays at school. Norwegian kids have to dance in front of their schoolmates while the rest of the class sings them a birthday song.

Dutch people have a thing about chairs, it seems. The birthday child's chair at home will be decorated with paper streamers and balloons, while the Dutch adult will be made to stand on a chair at work while his colleagues sing birthday songs at him.

Brazilian kids have their ear lobes pulled once for every year they were born. Getting crueller, you see.

Canadian children are ambushed by “friends” who then grease their nose with butter or margarine for “good luck”.

Scottish kids get a pound note and a smack on the bottom for each year they’ve been alive. Presumably there's a cut-off point when the burly teenager turns on his parent.

The English tradition of giving birthday bumps has now morphed into “birthday beats”. No doubt it's a matter of time before it becomes a “good birthday kicking”.