Leave today's substitute for elderly foreign women alone

At one time, everybody used to moan about foreigners - and then it became racist and forbidden.
Women were also put down by society until sexism kicked in.
Then it was the turn of the old folk to become the butt of people's jokes. But Age Concern put a stop to that.
It's human nature to laugh at, moan about or put down someone else - preferably someone who's unlikely to fight back. Though the target group can't be completely defenceless like, say, toddlers. Or kittens. So now the elderly, the female and the foreign are out of the picture, who should we pick on next?
It seems it's teenagers who have become the target of today's outrage. The whole "Kevin and Perry" thing with teens portrayed as grunting, money-grubbing, parent-hating, loutish people started it off. Now you can scarcely pick up a paper without hearing about teenagers who binge-drink, play truant, take drugs or kick a person to death as soon as look at them.
Of course, some teenagers are like that. But has anyone bothered to find out what percentage we are talking about? For every loutish teenager on the street there are probably several hundred more at home revising for their A levels. And I think you'll find there are also plenty of loutish adults out there.
A recent BBC survey found that only 13 per cent of teenagers felt valued by society. That's very sad and it's time we changed it. Actually, teenagers are some of the nicest people I know. Some of the things I like about teenagers are:

• They're so enthusiastic. Whether their passion involves an ambition, a rock group, a hobby or a film star, they'll give it 100 per cent
• They're often much more polite than we give them credit for
• They still get excited about food. While older people are picking at their foie gras and caviare, they'll be tucking into their biscuits and chips with healthy gusto
• They still look up to their parents' generation and are more respectful than we sometimes deserve
• They look better on the dance floor than we do
• They're funny. A sophisticated sense of humour kicks in much earlier than you'd think

Mum's the word

My Mum hasn't been well this week, so here's a eulogy for mothers in general.
When I was young I thought there was nothing my Mum couldn't do. I remember watching an old Disney film called Old Yeller in which a family adopts a yellow labrador that saves their lives (or something) and becomes injured as a result. The family lives miles away from a vet so the mother has to sew up the dog's belly while the children watch in awe, safe in the knowledge that Mum would be able to save their dog's life. I instinctively knew my Mum, sitting beside me, could do the same.
When did they stop making Mums like that? I couldn't sew up a dog's belly to save my own life - let alone that of the dog. In fact I couldn't even gut a fish or stuff a chicken. I hope my kids never knew their hypothetical dog was as good as dead in my hands.

Other things Mums should be able to do:

Make pancakes
I tried again last night - ie Shrove Tuesday - but all I ended up with was little dollops of stodge covered with syrup and sugar. Poor kids - they still don't even realise how pancakes are actually meant to look and taste.
Know instinctively when a child is too ill for school
She doesn't say: Don't you think you ought to go? How ill do you feel exactly? Can't you decide by yourself?
Remember things
She'll have your packed lunch, ink cartridges, PE kit and school trip money all ready for you - and you'll just take it all for granted. In fact your lithe young brain will still be wrestling with where you put your school shoes while Mum's shrivelled up one grapples with everything else.
Be there when you're miserable
Let's face it, after you've reached your teens she'll become like some old coat that may be warm and familiar but doesn't quite fit any more. You hardly ever want to wear it - but you still like to have it around for thise rare occasions when nothing else will do.